Well like it says on my Page "I may not be there yet, but I am closer that I was yesterday. I am trying to do the best possible job with my life and figuring out exactly where I fit into this world. Why was I given 2 children with special needs, but most of all am i making the right choices for my children. I carry a lot of guilt and resentment toward myself over things I have done. I will give some examples of this.....
First I spent a lot of time trying to split my time between hospital with Jessica and home with Kacie . My dear husband felt as though I "was being a bad mother to kacie" for spending so much time at the hospital. At the time I felt that kacie wouldn't notice because she was only 2 1/2 but 9year later and instill hold guilt and torment myself daily. I feel guilty always because I don't spend enough time with the kids or the time we did spend was making them clean their rooms or not just good quality time. I have spoke to a psychiatrists about my guilt and what he said was that the situation I was in is tough and the decisions I have had to make are not easy, the guilty feelings come from a place of good intentions but the fear of uncertainty is overwhelming. He went on to say that he felt that I was a good mother just trying to do what is best for my children, which is true obviously all parents want that!. It has been a hard few months for me because the medication for my add/adhd has not been working well and my focus and concentration has gone out the Window. I am hopeful to get back on track.... Always easier said then done
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