well a new day is apon us. This day has been wonderful. My new attitude and lifestyle is makeing me feel whole again can't wait to see what happens next . I am excited for the first tme in years  it is now bedtime but will explain my post later

Rise from the ashes of your own life

Well day 1 is well underway, didn't go quite as planned but i am staying positive. I woke up late and had to rush to get the girls to school on time so no breakfast for me and i didn't take my anti anxiety meds so it was domed to fail right off the bat. However, I have no worries i can handle this not as a failure but as a opportunity to succeed tomorrow. I have been watching Oprah's life class there was a episode that was called "rise from the ashes of your own life" on this episode, there was a lady who had lost her 4 children and was with good reason wondering how she would carry on. This made me think, well my kids were not taken violently and yet  there are day were I feel how can i go on, She eventually remarried and had 2 more children she is very brave and strong I figure that if she can rise from those ashes and continue on then I too can carry on. I will enjoy life as hard as it may be some days, I will enjoy every minute of raising my children because far to soon they will be out enjoying their lives with their children. My hope form them is that i have been able to give them the tools to rise from the ashes of their lives to live strong and free from guilt and fear.

New Beginnings

  Tomorrow marks a special day for me. Its the day that I begin the journey of finding myself. Some where some how it who i was or am . I have been told how to feel or not to feel, when to let things bother me and when they shouldn't. I have been going to therapy for about 7 months now , in that time i have been diagonsed with ADD/ADHD and am now taking medication for this life long struggle in my life. Finally i can consenrate long enough to empty a laundry basket, for the first time in my life i have been able to empty out a laundry basket without getting side tracked and creating 6 other projects and then at the end of the day I have 6 projects and a full laundry basket unfinished and i am completely spent. It is a daily thing i deal with along with my  2 children who I have passed on my lovely gift of ADD/ADHD . My oldest child has asperger's syndrome and my other daughter has Down Syndrome. Why was I given these gifts well i don't know, God only gives you what you can handle so therefore I can do this, as for the actual purpose that is something i will search for on this journey. As I have mentioned earlier i have ADD/ADHD, I also suffer from depression and some post childhood traumas that have left me scared and hurt and full of anxiety and fear. December 19,2011 will make the end of that fear no longer will i be afraid to live my life. Look out world here I come , this is gonna be one hell of a ride