been so long

I wish there was more time in a day, it seems as though I never have enough time to get to the things I would like to do. I have applied to trent University to start courses towards a bachelors degree in psychology with a minor in biology. I think i will also work on my masters in psychology as well  but that is 4 years from now so not going to stress about that. My hope is that when all is said done what i want to do is be able to research all disabilities and get into the minds of these children and figure out how they learn so i can teach parents and teachers how to give these children the most successful life possible. Havi g 2 children both with disabilities and dealing with the school system has made me realize that changes need to be made and i feel as though I may just the person to get that done. Well that is my hope anyway
 So I am just waiting to hear if i have been accepted or not, I have applied as a mature student so i am hopi g that i will be accepted but I have other tricks up my sleeve if not, this is not something I just came up with  over night, I have wanted to do this for quite sometime and have only now found the confidence in myself to finally apply. Should have I done this long ago ? .... hell ya, only now do i know its not a want to do its a need and I know I will be successful regardless of how long it takes me.

it all about breathing

well I have come to several conclusions lately, first my husband and I need marriage counselling in the worst way and with out it we do not stand much of a chance. Sadly many marriages with children with disabilities ends in divorce. I do not want to be a statistic  but it is a two way street and lately i have hit many road blocks. Secondly, i noticed how exercise improved my mood and made it easier to deal with point #1 but i also realised as I was lifting weights one night that exercise is alot like love, no no hear me out. while lifting weights usually I do 10 reps and when it is getting really tough to keep going i think to myself just count to 10 so i do my 10 reps . Then one night while arguing with my husband I found that I would stop and count to 10 and I would be more calm so I made the connection that when the going gets tough the best thing to is count to 10 if arguing or having trouble completing your weights count to 10.

i'm back

1. Well it has been a very busy couple of weeks fir me. As you may know i went back to work after a 10 week stress leave, well i did have my tonsils out first so really 6 weeks. Going back to work was hard very very hard but as i like to say when someone has to do something they don't want to do " suck it up buttercup, build a bridge and get over it ". May not be the nicest to say to ones self but effective. I bought a treadmill to help with my fitness and have been faithfully in running , i made a commitment to myself and i feel that breaking a commitment to me is the worst things. Now 10 weeks ago i would have not considered myself in the equation.I would feel guilty for going to the gym when i would have house work to do or if the kids were home and i wasn't spending time with them. Now I can hop onto my treadmill while my kids play on the wii or watch tv or just do crafts, they are old enough that they understand that playing near the treadmill is unsafe so I feel its ok, however if they were younger i would wait for a nap time or put them into a playpen. Wow kinda got off topic there (hi ADD, nice to see you), so back to work hard but I will say i have a new out look and feel more at ease i don't feel that anxiety when i pull into the parking lot and i haven't cried while sitting in my car once, however i have only been back for 7 shifts and 5 of them were only 8 hour shifts. My shifts yesterday and today were 12 hours they were busy enough, the higher ups felt ut was ok for us to admit patients to the hall ways ??? not really sure how they thought we would be able to give care to these patients in the hallways but we didn't allow it so not mattering but still things that make you go hmmmm. Now onto my exercising, i have ran about 5 k (about 2.5 miles i believe) everyday since i got it. I have also got some hand weights and have been doing some weight lifting and also using my yoga ball as well. I don't think i have lost any weight but i do feel a difference in my overall mood and how I feel about myself. I feel that is worth the cost of the equipment without a doubt. anyway I am so tired will write again tomorrow ..... promise